Today started out pretty slow.  I was already going to be about 10 minutes late so i went straight to the band hall and helped clean up some things, than i got the band director to write me a pass saying i was cleaning so i wasnt actually tardy to class.  After weight training today i was walking behind a kid who dropped his wallet.  Like the 20 dollar bill i found a couple days ago...my first thoughts were automatically to give it back no matter what.  Than i started to remember how i felt after giving back the 20 dollars...i was lucky to even get a thank you from the jerk, i didnt feel better at all.  So i decided i will get the best of this one and go ahead and keep it.  During third period with lots of hard thinking, i decided that i would give the wallet back only if the guy deserved it.  Throughout the rest of the day i asked a large number of my friends if they knew the kid.  To my surprise, most of them did.  A good percentage of them also used the word, "asshole" to describe him.  This obviously made up my mind on the whole keep the wallet situation.  I was glad to he hear he is a jerk....It is going to feel good spending every last dime of all his gift cards.  I already treated my self to a nice lunch today with the money i found in his wallet.  Do i feel bad?  Not at all.  Im sure his parents will just reimberse the money he lost any way, he does drive a black tahoe and im sure it runs on their money.  People always say "what goes around, comes around"..i hope he knows what that means.

Am i the only one thats getting really tired of ghetto mexicans?  I mean..... sure i respect that their parents own more than half of Americas roofing and lawn businesses but they dont have to bring their attitudes to school and show every one that if you mess with a mexican, you get cut.  I love watching the news and hearing about how many border jumpers die everyday because it gets too hot in the back of the truck trailers that they try to sneak in on.  Our society is degrading enough without them.

There are indeed some people i just hate.  I hate alot of guys, probably guys more than woman.  Guys are perverts.  Every lady has the right to be inviolable.  Men tend to look at woman without consent of feelings.  How much do guys actually think about girls?  Its not momomania, its sin.  The thought of sex before marriage will often seem morass to any male, so stupid.  Anyway, i know i want Alyssa to respect me and trust me with everything so im not going to jeopordize that in any way.

I had hot chocolate last night with frozen whip cream.  This morning I had strawberry pop tarts with orange juice.  I cleaned my shoes so they are white again but i hate them forever, the laces are bigger than the holes.  Took a number of showers lately but we all know it doesnt get the mud out of your fingernails.  Maybe if i were addicted to the refrigerator instead of the drugs, i would be fat, not stupid.  What do you stand for, anything?  When will the time come for you to stand upon standing up for someting you stand for without involving me in anyway, im out, i want no part you peice of dust, please float away with the rest of your germs. 

Maybe we could live together forever, I would like that.  How about we take advantage of our ingenuity and make our future happen the way we want it.  I love you

sometimes doing good things will make you feel better...not today.  I followed a kid all the way around my school today just so i could give him back his 20 dollars that he dropped in the hall.  No one saw me pick it up, i could have easily kept it but what would i be thinking right now.. Sure i could have been 20 bucks richer, but now i would be 20 bucks less of the person my parents raised me to be.

So i cant wait to get my stupid license.  You remember being a kid and walking through the toy setcion in stores and thinking, "man only if i had that, my life would be so much better".....than you got the toy and stoppped playing with it in like 2 weeks.  I think thats how my situation with the license will be.  O well, soon as i get it, me and alyssa are going on a real date, it is going to be very special.  I dont know where we are going to go though, but i want to make it a night she will never forget.  Maybe we will go to Mcdonalds and share a shake through the same straw........big step, I know!

I cooked mac and cheese today, it was not so good.  I am very dissapointed.  I probably should have expected it though.  I watched a bugs life when i got home from school.  not our best disney movie but what the heck, its good to refresh your mind with the innocence and laughter of childhood every now and than. 

people that think war is unnecessary are dumb.  There is no way around it, yes, i hate to see our troops die, dont we all....but when you sign up to be in the army, navy, guard, marines, w/e....you should be thinking about our country, and doing what it takes to keep its pride.  The parents are especially dumb.....if i were to enlist into the army, knowing i will be going to fight, i would hope my parents would not blame the army for any injuries i may consume during battle.  Thats just like becoming a fireman and being burned while trying to save a family in a building.....than your parents try to sue the fire station because they didnt actually say you might get burnned while trying to put out fires......I hate all dumb people.  

Alyssa, please save me from my uncontrolable anger! 

I think i will get a truck, just so me and my wife can camp out in the back where ever we want to.  We are also going to mexico.  Our parents dont know this but i think we will make it a surprise. It's crazy to think about her going off to college in less than a year.  Its already hard living like 20 minutes from her.  I guess its just one more thing to pray about. keep off the drugs...i know exactly what it feels like to want something so bad, because you have no way around a problem....the truth is God will win your battles no matter what if you just let him.  I am a recovering alcoholic thanks to Alyssa  . 

There was a man with a gun in the halls...after the teacher turned the lights off, everyone got under their desk and started to write their letters of love and regret to their family members, friends, whomever would care about their absence for that matter.  The first letter i wrote was to myself :  Look at what you have accomplished. How many feelings have been hurt because of you today?  Why did you slam the door of the car when your mom dropped you off this morning?  Money doesnt matter now does it, the clothes you are wearing dont stand for anything now, they are about to be washed in red anyway.  Do you really love yourself?  why not? I folded the letter up and put it in my pocket.  The room was screaming with silence.  I could not concentrate because of all the fear i felt spearing through every child in the room.  The carpet was now flooded with tears, there were so many regrets in this room, i could feel them.  Will the man come to this door, will this be the day my family's emotions are destroyed?  Is it my trun already?  What if i dont die, what if no one dies today, will my life change?  Will i keep the letter i wrote to myself?  Now all the sudden everyone has a passion for living  the reason being that death is near.  Im so sorry to all of you now, yes, i really do love you.  Holding your hand wont just mean we are together anymore, hugging my father wont just be a argument make up, helping my brother with homework wont just be to please my parents.  Everything means so much more now.  I am sorry, I love you.

I was day dreaming today  ^   goodnight.